Gym Rantings....

First, a little hello to all our new readers. Most of you are people I hold near and dear...and I'm happy to be sharing our experience with you. ;-)

Let's start off w/ a progress update!

*S is down 33 pounds....has gained 5 pounds of muscle and wore a sweater that has NEVER fit her. Legit!

D is down 30 pounds...has gained approximately 10 pounds of muscle (maybe more!) and fit into a cramped restaurant booth at 99. Wooo!

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Now, the gym rant.....

D seriously hates the attitude people give him when he mentions going to the gym. He's unsure whether people are more amazed he knows where the gym is...or actually goes. Now while at the gym, people LOVE to stare at him. I've noticed it too. It's like kids outside a Toys R Us at Christmas. "Holy shit! Is that a FAT KID at the gym?! QUICK! Call CNN." We even suspect one person snapped a picture of him with their camera phone to share w. his friends. I can picture said loser drinking beers w. his friends that night and saying: "Dude! Bro! Look! A FAT KID at the GYM! This is more rare than a penguin in Las Vegas!".

While we're talking about the gym....here's a list of things that piss us both off:

1. Walking by the showers just to pee and seeing "naked man ass". (That's Derek's...I don't think I would necessarily mind naked men...unless they're over the age of 35, then I might).

2. The fact that we go UPSTAIRS to the "beginner's area". I feel like anyone looking at me is immediately discounting me based on where I exercise. Downstairs? That's for the big kids. No pun intended.

3. Meatheads. I know every gym has them...but seeing someone who looks like they could bench press a house that screams and grunts constantly makes me want to bitch slap someone.

4. Ridiculous "Motivational" Cougars. These women are 40+ and travel in packs. They yell constant encouragement to each other....even if their fellow cougar is 40 feet away. They also wear spandex pants from 1982 and should not be looked at directly....or they will pounce.

5. People who count aloud. Do you read aloud at a bookstore? NO! Therefore, don't count your goddamn reps at the gym.
PS- We know when you're full of shit and did not do 300 crunches.

6. People who start talking randomly, and don't STFU. I have headphones on. I'm not here to meet friends, I'm here to workout. Every time you open your mouth to yap, I visualize lighting you on fire. However, we all know fire spreads...and I'd be fucked.
For more information on fire safety please consult Smokey the Bear.

7. People who sweat all over the machines, and walk away like the puddle they've left behind isn't theirs. D says: "Great! The machine is covered in sweat and smells like you...why don't I shit in a burlap sack and leave it in your car. My gift to you, buddy!".

8. People who watch me like a hawk on a machine, then run over to see how much weight I can leg press/hip press/tricep press whatever. Worry about you, not me.

9. Women who wear SKANKY little outfits to the gym (like lingerie tops) and then spend their whole time texting. This is not a social hour. Get your powder puff ass off my treadmill.

10. Old people. Today I waited TWENTY MINUTES while an old man sat at the bicep machine contemplating life. I tried to be polite, I tried giving him they "hey, almost done?" smile...he did not budge. Oh and to boot, he did FIVE curls. *sigh*

Alienation....and Mickey D's.

Note: This picture will make sense by the end of the blog, we promise.

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow. " - Men In Black



Dual entry today...we're both here and we're chatting about the above quote. D loves this quote, and I can see the merit in it. People are society....society is panicky and semi-ridiculous.



Some of society liked Sarah Palin, 'nuff said....



The same people who who believe that aliens from Mars could attack if they heard it on the radio are the same people who believe in fad diets and alienate someone based on size, gender or color.



'People' believe that Barack Obama is a Muslim...or won't salute the flag. They also subscribe to the school of thought that says you should starve yourself to be thin; and Paris Hilton makes a good role model. The world is a scary place.



It's sad to me that in the year 2008 we are still a society of so many prejudices.

We can only assume the prejudice of fat comes from the idea that's different. People hate things that are different. Fat is looked at as something possessed by a second-class citizen. There are exceptions of course. Millionaires can be fat, comedians can be fat, Goddamn Dr. Phil can be fat...but the average person? Absolutely not.



Now, if you are fat you must overcompensate for this. Immediately. D always hears people say "Oh, he's fat....but he's hysterical!". I usually get "Oh she is fat...but she is so sweet!".

Those of you who know me know that's not always true... ;-)



Along the same lines, we are constantly wondering why "big" is the first thing people think of when they describe us. Today at the gym, a woman approached me to say how great we both looked. I was flattered. However, I was also annoyed as hell because she said "Your brother looks great too - he's built like a brick shit house!".



Did that need to be stated? Your roots are showing...and your shirt was too tight. Did you see me point that out? No. I have class. When I told D about our random praise...he commented "Why did she have to say big? I didn't say her face looked like a Death Valley fire trail, did I?". He is always been more blunt.



When describing someone you usually are inclined to mention height, moneymaker (face), anything unique (tattoo that says "Fuck You" written across their neck)...does weight always play a factor? I think the answer is "only if it's not average".



What is average anyways? Who defines "average"?



Is the guy on the cover of Men's Fitness average? How many people REALLY look like this? If D works hard and does look like this, will he get female attention? Of course. Will it be a double-edged sword? You bet.

The same girls who shun him now would be falling over him by then. He is after all, super cute. He worries that he could never really meet someone who would have loved him now being the way he is. Would you want to be with someone who only knew you in the present, and could have potentially hated you in the past? It's an interesting question to ponder.

I suppose it's not just to be looked at from a "fat perspective"....what about people who win the lottery, or become overnight celebrities? Are the relationships they build from that point on as solid as the one's in their past?

Can someone ever really connect with you if they didn't know what you had been through to become the person you are now? I'm not sure.

Can anyone ever really relate to what you're going through in life? D says "Unless you've been through it - you can't relate to it."

I think the people in my life can empathize....but not sympathize. Sympathy implies they've encountered it...empathy implies they just understand me.



Can anyone really sympathize with me when I seriously contemplate stabbing my coworkers in the leg for eating cake w/ ice cream while sitting at my desk? I don't think so. That being said...this is something I need to get through. Foods filled with empty (yet quite tasty) calories surround me daily. Right now, I am the equivalent of an alcoholic bartender.

Let me say that again: I am the equivalent of an alcoholic bartender. Great analogy eh? D always has a way with words.

Everyday we are SURROUNDED by things we can't have. This will never change. However, the desire to have them will change.



D says: "I am so envious of the people who can pop by McDonald's, grab a quick bite and never think twice. I would too....except I'm 10 Big Macs away from a tombstone. Not to mention I can't just order A Big Mac...it may start off as a Big Mac but I'll be offered a drink and fries (King Size? Sure!)...who can turn down that good of a deal?"

Side note: Is it just me, or does it seem fast food places make their awful food incredibly cheap on purpose? Eating healthy is time-consuming and can be expensive. Somehow, ordering off a "Dollar Menu" makes it seem like you're not just eating, you're saving money. What you don't factor in is that you could drop 10 bucks - and gain 10 pounds just from that quick meal. It's just not worth it in the end.

Now, about the picture. McDonald's and other fast food chains have made society (the same tools we referenced earlier) believe they have healthy choices. Oh sure, they have salad...but have you noticed how horrid looking it is? Last time I checked, lettuce should be green. Now, what goes on salad? Why salad dressing of course! No one ever guaranteed THAT was healthy...never mind the bacon/cheese/nuts/tortilla strips/"crispy chicken" you add to it...the only healthy part of this salad is the lettuce. That is, if it's not 2 weeks old.

We'll pass, thanks.

In closing....we might be fat now, but we're getting less fat. Soon, we will not be fat at all. The people who make fun of us suck, they will always suck - and according to D - that will never change.

No Fat Chicks

D and I talked about this recently....and I thought I'd share.

In high school, someone decided the phrase "No Fat Chicks" was hysterical. It made it's way onto lockers, t-shirts, posters etc. I hated it. But, I was surprised when a friend from HS said "Oh we don't mean you!". Uh...I'm fat, and I'm a chick. How could you NOT mean me?! *sigh*

I suppose it was because I was so bubbly, and sparkly...I was always upbeat. I went to HS with 2 other "fat chicks" and they were total bitches. Angry, hateful bitches. No one liked being around them.

Nonetheless, I hate the phrase. I hate shows like Family Guy for having fat guys like Peter Griffin constantly pick on his (NOT) fat daughter, calling her "fattie". I HATE that word! HATE!

Why is it socially acceptable for men to be fat, but not women? Men are "big", "built", "intimidating". Fat women? We're trash. It boggles my mind.

Now there are some exceptions....and there are some opposites.

I have had boyfriends (cute ones at that!) and none of them have been fat. I do have a group of fantastic friends who love me no matter what. But, this rant is directed at society. Society is cruel.

Society (at least the majority) have lumped fat people in with lepers. Avoid at all costs. I can understand how it started....especially since I have seen the stereotypical fat people - the ones who are so tragic they belong on Jerry Springer. I just wish we didn't ALL get a bad rep just because of some bad apples.

So we have the fat haters on one side... then we have the fat lovers. Yes, I said fat lovers.

Last December I went to a show w/ one of my BFF's, Rachel. It was a "big gal" dance troupe - and being bellydancers, we were all about supporting local artists. Well, we got a lot more than we bargained for. These women were all size 16+ and they loved being fat. LOVED. They called each other "Fattie" and "Chubs". They sang SONGS about loving their flab, and they were generally just ridiculous.

They also tried to recruit me. I was fat, I had a booty and I could dance. I was perfect!

I was perfectly fucking mortified. Why in God's name would I want to SING and DANCE (in gross, unflattering little outfits) about being fat!???! I was a thin person trapped in a fat body. I refused to join them.

Now, I am not anti-self love. I'm all about loving yourself, and loving what you've got. However, when you are literally too fat to walk 50 feet w/ out being out of breath....and all your clothes are 4 sizes too small..... you look like a fool.

Oh, one more creepy factor in this whole thing...they had stalkers. Yup. Men (usually 50+, sketchy as all hell and ugly) who were "Fattie Lovers".
(I couldn't even make this up if I tried... )
They bought calendars, t-shirts and posters. It was odd. Just odd. How can you love someone just for being fat?!

Side note: 92% of these women were huge bitches. Bitchy and fat? What a combo.

So I hate the fat haters...and the fat lovers. I suppose that seems weird eh? Shouldn't I be on someones side? Nope. I'm on my own side.

I have a booty...I have more than curves....and I want more than this. I want to be healthier, and with that comes weight loss.

I will never be a size 2, but I will also never be happy being a size 22. That's just me.

Overcoming Bad Habits....

.....is harder than it sounds.

D is sleeping, but I just had to post. I warned you all that I talked more!

This week has been hellish. Work drama, car drama, money drama....and to boot, my period. Yay!

Typically I would be mowing on candy/cupcakes/anything sweet every night....and sleeping 10-14 hrs a day because I was so worn out.

Not this time.

I have stuck to my diet 100% - added some more calcium and lots of extra water...and getting my regular sleep (5-6 hrs a night). Oh, and exercising.

I feel fantastic! Who knew that exercising helped so much!!??!?! It's bizarre to me.

However, conquering these bad habits is HARD. So hard! I was a raving bitch all day at work yesterday....I feel bad for the boys in my group. I wanted chocolate SO BAD - but I knew one bite would lead to 12...and soon I'd be off the diet, wallowing in self-pity and staying fat.

I don't want that.

I'm stuck in the strangest place. I know where I am, I know where I want to be....but right now I'm in limbo between both.

I feel like one wrong move and BOOM - I will spiral out of control. *sigh*

It's a very tight rope. Let's hope I can stay on it. Because really, I'm still to close to call -- I could revert back to the old me at any point. I need to stay strong...no matter how tough it is.

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A few small victories for this week (let's focus on the half-full glass!) --
I got a haircut, and noticed I have cheekbones again. Yay!
I got hit on TWICE (both by guys that ain't my type...but it still felt nice).
I saw a friend from work who travels a lot - and she said "OMG you look great! What have you been doing?"

So, other people seeing visible progress = AMAZING! Wooo!

Off to bed... tomorrow, a dual post.

XO
*S

Myths...and Truths of Being Fat

D and I just talked about some myths...and some general observations about life that we know as fat people. These opinions are just that - opinions. If you're offended, or don't agree - feel free to share your version. America is a free country, after all. :-)

Myths about being fat (from our perspective):

We all eat McDonald's. 24/7...
...gross. Nope. Try again. I'm not fat because of fast food...I'm fat because of cheesecake, portions that were 3X a normal size, chicken parm and martinis. Lots of martinis. D's claim to fat is hamburgers, pizza and soda.

We're all slobs who can't dress.
Hahahaha NO. D and I both dress fabulously. Name brands, fantastic outfits. We're styling!

We gorge ourselves all day long and love buffets.
I hate buffets...too much food, being touched by too many people. We've both also gone whole days without eating much. We're not in this position because we at constantly, but rather because we didn't control WHAT we ate and why.

We have NO idea we're actually fat.
This always makes me laugh. People look at us as if we're in the dark. Like being fat is a secret that we haven't yet figured out. We know. Trust me. Our house does have mirrors. Several, in fact.

We instantly connect with other fat people.
Again, not true. My BFF is small, in shape and takes a size 8 (if I had to guess). D's BFF is tall, skinny as a pole and weighs about 130 pounds soaking wet. Sure, we both have friends who are overweight, but we weren't drawn to them because of that. In fact, I tend to avoid other fat women...they're usually bitter and depressing. Who needs that?!

It's not our fault we're fat.
FALSE! Who's fault is it?! It's not genetics, it's not our environment...we made bad choices, we're paying the price. Fin.

We hate your stupid nicknames. And you.
Derek has always been plagued with nicknames. Everywhere we go, someone wants to dub him "Big Man" or"Big D" or make mention to him being a brick shit house. He doesn't point out your tiny c*ck, so don't point out the fact that he's big.

Fat people aren't people.
I don't know who thought this one up, but somewhere along the lines fat became a flaw. Oh, he's funny, smart and cute? Oh, wait...he's FAT? Ew, he'd make a lousy boyfriend! We shouldn't have to overcompensate for being fat, but we do.

If I lose weight, my entire life will be better.
Bullshit. If you hate your job, hate your friends, have no romantic life and are fat....only one of those will be solved by losing weight. Change your eating habits, and your attitude.

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Some Observations (*S solo):

Disgusting men think it's OK to hit on you...
...and expect you to lap up their attention just because you're fat. They're not cute. Making comments about my booty makes them even less cute. Go away. Now.

We're invisible.
Every day I walk into work holding at least 4 things (purse, lunch, coffee...who knows what). I can't tell you how many times someone sees me struggling trying to open the door; and ignores me. However! The SECOND I am walking with a skinny woman - poof, instant door holding!! It's sad. There are exceptions; I do work with some guys who are genuine sweethearts, but they're few and far between.

"Fat" precedes every name someone calls us.
Fat bitch, fat fuck, fat pig....you name it, you can add fat to it. It's ridiculous. It's also incredibly uninspired. Try harder next time you want to insult us.

Fat women put out.
Nope, not true. Sure, some...errr...MOST do. It's a self-esteem thing. I'm not saying I have high self-esteem...but I don't need to sleep with random people to make myself feel good. If you do, I pity you. That ain't how I roll.

Dieting is like Budgetting....and I suck(ed) at both!

So this is a solo entry. SU1 is busy watching something...and I'm feeling chatty.

So, I'm flying solo.

I just said to my BFF that dieting is like budgeting. She agreed. It made me think "Wow. No wonder I'm in the position I'm in....I suck(ed) at both".

Sucked. Past tense.

A few months back, a good friend of mine (A) put me on a super strict budget. Super strict. I started taking a look at the frivolous things I spend money on...and I was shocked. How did it get this bad? How had I spent my money (and money I didn't have) on things like random trips, martinis and shoes?! Sigh.

Living on the "no fun budget" (my nickname) made me see that you have to stay within your means....and you can't spoil yourself everyday.

These same principles apply to dieting.

You only get a set number of calories a day, you spend more...you'll pay for it. Making healthy choices isn't EASY, but the benefits are incredibly worth it.

Now that I've got the budgeting thing under control - I'm working on the dieting thing. It's funny, I'm realizing that everything is balance.

A friend of mine, A's hubby, told me "I only run so I can drink wine". I found that comical, but now I see that he's right. Everything is a balancing act.

Goals: Not That David Beckham Shit...Actual Aspirations.

I wanted to share some of the goals we've come up with for ourselves.

Derek is currently rocking a 6XL shirt, and a 56-inch pant. He hopes to be a 3XL shirt and 42-inch pant. Before we met Brian, Derek hoped to be 285 someday. His current goal weight is 350 (as 285 is the amount of lean mass he currently has) - but he is more concerned with not ending up 6 feet under. At the rate he was going, I would be buying him a tombstone for his 25th birthday. That scares the shit out of both of us.

I am currently a size 28 in Lane Bryant clothes, also known as "the largest size you can buy in a store before custom ordering". Before we saw Brian I hoped to weigh 143 pounds, but on our first meeting he tested for lean mass and told me I had 169 pounds of it. This dashed all hopes that I would ever weigh 143. Unless of course I got a femur, and a few organs removed. However, I would like to own ONE thing that is a size 8. Seeing a single digit on the tag of clothing will allow to me to die a happy woman.

One thing you will never hear in this blog is the following quote: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". I HATE that quote. I think it's bullshit. I hate Oprah, and I think she of people knows that cheesecake tastes better than new clothes - and her ass shows the evidence.

Once again, the SUhp motto: "Let's not bullshit each other".

So, down to the nitty gritty. What are we looking forward to???

Derek's top 7 goals are as follows:

* Fitting into seats at restaurants, movies, airplanes, concerts...just walking in, sitting down and enjoying life.

* To be "checked out" in public, by cute girls that are over 18, yet under 40. Cougars, need not apply.

* Buying clothes off the rack in a store (and no, we don't mean the fat store).

* Learning how to box. The only thing a fat person fights for is his place in line at the buffet.

* Going to the beach, sans shirt and not hearing a single laugh.

* Doing a pull-up. For a man, there is something gratifying about lifting your own weight.

* Getting a custom designed tattoo on his bicep. He's been talking about this tattoo for longer than I care to recall.

*Samantha*'s top 7 goals:

* Owning, and rocking a bikini. Not just one, preferably more than one. :)

* Wearing a dress, and knee high boots at the same time. The day I can do this, celebrating will ensue.

* Walking long, NYC blocks and keeping up with my BFF, Julie's strides. She is a quick walker - and a good influence on me

* Getting a tattoo, to show off my accomplishments. It will be on my hip bone (left hip) and it will have something to do with stars (my thang).

* Bellydancing in public, in gorgeous costumes. You might find this funny, but I already know HOW to bellydance. I've been taking lessons for nearly three years. I just can't bring myself to perform because of the weight. There are plenty of dancers who are not a size 2...and I respect them greatly. I just can't bring myself to join them. So, bellydancing is on hold until further notice. But, I'll be blogging about it for sure.

* Running a half marathon. I know so many people who have done this, and it seems insanely rewarding. Currently I can't run, nevermind run 13.1 miles. Infact, I was excited to be able to WALK a mile on the treadmill. It took me 20 mins.

* Sustaining a relationship that's not built on baggage, but on love. Every person I've dated has come with some huge flaw, something that levels the playing field. I'm fat, he can't get over his ex. I'm fat, he has mommy issues. I want so badly to meet someone and not have to make excuses for their bad behavior.

Let's hope we meet all these....and meet them soon! :-)