Fast Forward Button...Please?

Solo post. I think you'll be seeing a lot of more of these from us...we're in 2 different places w/ the weight loss journey. Oh, and we have opposite schedules (well, we will soon! D is switching to overnights).

I am in a fucking rut, and I want to scream! I've been at the same weight for THREE FUCKING WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh! OK, calm...calm...enhance my calm. I know this kind of thing happens, I'm just so frustrated.

Period of doom over? Check (apologies to the 3-4 men who read this)

Cut calories? Check

More exercise? Check

DIFFERENT exercise? Check

Weight loss? 0

ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've complained to Brian...he said it happens, and not to let it dissuade me from the overall goal. Easier said than done. I am tied to that scale, emotionally connected. A zero...or worse, a GAIN send me into inner turmoil. I don't know WHY I'm like this...but I am.

I know that I've lost inches, I've gained muscle...but all I want it for the effing scale to reflect my hard work. I was watching 'Biggest Loser' earlier this week and Jillian said "If the scale isn't moving - you're doing something wrong.". Ack. I felt like she knew I was sitting here giving myself excuses "More muscle! Less inches! Pants fit!"...*sigh*.

I want a fast forward button for my life. FF to 6 months from now...do I look hot? Am I rocking jeans I bought at a normal store? I sure as hell hope so. Gah!

In other news, my life is forcing me to become a morning person. I have 3 weekly con-calls, all of which start at 8am or 8:30am now. This means I need to exercise, shower, change, make lunch, do hair/makeup, get coffee and be to work 1 hr early. It seemed impossible, but it's going OK so far.

I'm hoping this new schedule will work to my benefit.

Maybe my body needs more sleep? Maybe I'm grasping at straws.

A while ago I tried a low-carb program called Kimkins. It turned out to be a total scam, I was eating 500-700 calories a day. I would drop 3 pounds day. Literally. This was the most amazing feeling. However, it's just not practical, or healthy. Luckily I wasn't on this insane diet for long (2 months?) so I didn't have any side effects. Some women I had met on the forums lost their hair...horrible. Now I keep thinking "I'm doing this the healthy way! I'll appreciate it when I can pass healthy eating habits onto my kids!".

Somehow, as much positivity as I am *trying* to bring to this just isn't working. I want results. I want them now. I don't like waiting.

3 things I hate about myself:

1. Impatience. No matter how hard I try to not be...I want things instantly.

2. My constant need to compare myself to every single person I know, or don't know.

3. My ability to beat myself up worse than anyone in the world could. I am my own worst enemy.

I really try not to blog about negatitivty...but tonight I couldn't help it. Tomorrow will be better.

XO

*S