Why We've Been MIA...

Oh dear readers, I'm sorry we've neglected you!!

D has been insanely busy with his new job - I hardly see him! He's struggling to find a balance between work and taking care of himself - but I have no doubt he'll work it out and get on track. As nice as overtime pay is...sometimes your body just needs a rest! :-)

Me? I'm fantastic.

Weight-wise I'm still only down 73 pounds - and as nice as that is pound wise I have been slacking. I got demotivated during the winter then I got just plain lazy. The gym isn't as fun as window shopping and walking around town on a nice day is!

I'm planning to start Pilates again soon - and I know I need to reacquaint myself with the gym (much to my dismay).

A lot has changed on the personal front. I'm officially leaving the company I work for. There's nothing here for me...and I have gone as far as I can go. I haven't given a date yet- but I am thinking it will be late June/early July.

That brings me to my next exciting thing - I'm heading to LA on Thursday for 2 weeks! YAY! I'm staying with 2 girlfriends who live in Santa Monica (where I think I'd like to live) - and I'm interviewing ALL OVER Los Angeles. If you're hiring, I'm coming in!

I've realized that 5 years of working some place provides for a ton of contacts- which means a ton of opportunities! I'm excited, a little scared and a little anxious.

I've already begun cleaning my room out - discarding things that I have no reason to pack and move 3000 miles. I've looked into trading my car in (it wouldn't make the drive for sure) and the cost of shipping my things out there. I'm putting my proverbial ducks in a row.

I think I'll probably blog from LA - I kinda like blogging. But, it won't be as Salamander Unicorn...and it won't be entirely about weight loss.

XO
*S

6 months seems like a long time....

....but really, it's not.

Tonight I am blogging about my life (solo post style)- not necessarily my weight loss. i'm also not using caps. I cut my index finger opened earlier this week and it hurts like a mofo to type. i'm injured.

I've decided to move to LA in Sept (possibly sooner, depending on jobs).

I have a million and 1 things going through my head lately:

where to work? (not my current employer...no no, we're breaking up. for good).
where to live?
live alone? live with people? I'm kinda messy...and kinda like my own space. but, would i like my own space 24/7? unsure.
when to sell current car? here? there? it's still worth 6K - and it's time for a change. i just can't decide if it's cheaper to buy here and transport or buy there.
drive out or fly out?


then we have all the other things i think about:
finding a doctor
gyno
dentist
eye doctor
allergist
hair dresser
social circle (i know a million people in LA...but will I have a social circle? i hope so).

the whole "will i be ok on my own?" isn't a factor...i know i will. :)

however, i just have a lot questions!

6 months seemed like a long time....but when i think of all i have to do, and all i want to do - it's not very long at all.

---

other updates:

weightloss....slow and steady. i'm a little annoyed at myself, i'm not working as hard as i should be. hoping to pick up the pace this week. i am going out to LA for a visit in May - so i have 8 weeks of really kicking ass (and hopefully i will fit into some cute capris and a sundress).

trainer: i've realized that no one can motivate you beyond how motivated you are personally. if i don't want it as bad as my trainer wants it...it won't work.

bellydance: i'm dancing at Shimmies 3....seriously excited. I have the cutest routine ever. I have 3 weeks to memorize it, let's hope i can!

work: i've taken on a new Laissez-faire attitude. i'm only putting effort into things that benefit me. i'm done fixing everything for everyone and thinking it will make a difference. it doesn't.

family: while they were hesitant at first...and still don't seem enamored by the idea, they have come to accept my move to LA. yay! they are also still going to the gym 3-4 times a week. Go mom and dad!!!

d: he's great, LOVES his new job...has a lot to update you all on, but i'll leave that for him.

ok...it's 11:11...i made a wish and now i'm heading to bed.
xo
*S

Fast Forward Button...Please?

Solo post. I think you'll be seeing a lot of more of these from us...we're in 2 different places w/ the weight loss journey. Oh, and we have opposite schedules (well, we will soon! D is switching to overnights).

I am in a fucking rut, and I want to scream! I've been at the same weight for THREE FUCKING WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!! Ahhhh! OK, calm...calm...enhance my calm. I know this kind of thing happens, I'm just so frustrated.

Period of doom over? Check (apologies to the 3-4 men who read this)

Cut calories? Check

More exercise? Check

DIFFERENT exercise? Check

Weight loss? 0

ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've complained to Brian...he said it happens, and not to let it dissuade me from the overall goal. Easier said than done. I am tied to that scale, emotionally connected. A zero...or worse, a GAIN send me into inner turmoil. I don't know WHY I'm like this...but I am.

I know that I've lost inches, I've gained muscle...but all I want it for the effing scale to reflect my hard work. I was watching 'Biggest Loser' earlier this week and Jillian said "If the scale isn't moving - you're doing something wrong.". Ack. I felt like she knew I was sitting here giving myself excuses "More muscle! Less inches! Pants fit!"...*sigh*.

I want a fast forward button for my life. FF to 6 months from now...do I look hot? Am I rocking jeans I bought at a normal store? I sure as hell hope so. Gah!

In other news, my life is forcing me to become a morning person. I have 3 weekly con-calls, all of which start at 8am or 8:30am now. This means I need to exercise, shower, change, make lunch, do hair/makeup, get coffee and be to work 1 hr early. It seemed impossible, but it's going OK so far.

I'm hoping this new schedule will work to my benefit.

Maybe my body needs more sleep? Maybe I'm grasping at straws.

A while ago I tried a low-carb program called Kimkins. It turned out to be a total scam, I was eating 500-700 calories a day. I would drop 3 pounds day. Literally. This was the most amazing feeling. However, it's just not practical, or healthy. Luckily I wasn't on this insane diet for long (2 months?) so I didn't have any side effects. Some women I had met on the forums lost their hair...horrible. Now I keep thinking "I'm doing this the healthy way! I'll appreciate it when I can pass healthy eating habits onto my kids!".

Somehow, as much positivity as I am *trying* to bring to this just isn't working. I want results. I want them now. I don't like waiting.

3 things I hate about myself:

1. Impatience. No matter how hard I try to not be...I want things instantly.

2. My constant need to compare myself to every single person I know, or don't know.

3. My ability to beat myself up worse than anyone in the world could. I am my own worst enemy.

I really try not to blog about negatitivty...but tonight I couldn't help it. Tomorrow will be better.

XO

*S

The Unicorn Mafia (or Boxing is Fun)

Solo postage tonight. Just D.
In regards to the title of tonight's blog....don't ask - just know that they are out there.


I've started a new thing with Brian. Instead of just straight cardio we hit the heavy bag. For those of you who might not know - a heavy bag weighs 150 pounds. They come in different sizes but that's what I'm working with now.

It's a lot harder than I imagine and at first I thought "Sweet I get to beat the living bejesus out of this thing and I'll lose weight". Not so my friends. Not so. Hitting something that large for 3 minute intervals is exhausting. On the one hand I am releasing a ton of frustration. On the other hand it wears me out faster than riding the bike or walking the treadmill do. A lot faster.

Right now I hit it in 3 min intervals, then do a set of 25 crunches...lather rinse repeat. This little cycle of joy goes on for at least an hour. At the end of said hour, I am soaking wet and ready to die. But, fuck it these are the measures I need to take to not be fat.

After the heavy bag workout of joy I then proceed to the speed bag. The speed bag is sorta like the 9th ring of hell...in bag form. Basically you get into a rhythm (like a drum) hitting a little bag that hangs from the ceiling. This might sound easy...but trust me, it's not. If you hit it out of time or lose your rhythm you're fucked. And by fucked I mean Brian cracks a whip and you do crunches. If you drop your hand, he slaps you in the face. This is to teach you to protect your face with your unused hand at all times. I don't mean to make it sound like my hand falls below my jaw and Brian jabs me...it's more like a love tap. Sometimes he says "If we were boxing...you wouldn't have a face left."

In addition to all this fun, we've been working on jabs/hooks/upper cuts. The hook is all about the hips. Brian said "With your hips, you throw a left hook and you're going to fucking kill somebody". Sam wants to see this in action. My favorite move is the upper cut. When asked to demonstrate Brian said: The upper cut is the ballsiest of all boxing moves. It says 'I think you're a shitty boxer and I don't respect you'.

We've also reviewed the pressure points on a body to knock someone out. Pretty sure he left those in the wrong hands...(Unicorn Mafia strikes again).

I'm also on a new diet. It's more strict, and I've got to drink both a pre-workout drink (Fast Twitch) and a post-workout drink (ISOPure Protein Shit Ass Powder). Neither are very tasty...but they make the workout easier and more productive.

By the way- The asshole at the workout store grabbed me FastTwitch (muscle enhancement) in Sour Berry Blast. I'd like to go back to Flex Appeal and drill him in the face. It tastes like Sour Berry Bullshit. Sam smelled the cup and said "Did you vomit?". Sadly, I had not. I find the best way to approach the drink from hell is to mix it with Sour Grape Gatorade and CHUG it.

Other than that, new job...looking forward to a good 2009.

Stay up guys,
D

PS: The Unicorn Mafia is out there...they're watching...and they don't want to hear your bullshit.

27 is a lonely number

(solo post)

27.

In two days I will be 27. That's LATE TWENTIES! Aaaah!

It's looming over my head, like a dark cloud. Late twenties. No longer "mid" or "early"...late. Late implies something. It implies I have my shit together more than I do (or should). It implies I'm no longer a child, but a full fledged adult. There are no more excuses for fuck-ups.

Looking at my life compared to this time last year, I'm better off. In less debt. Smaller (with more muscle!). Happier. However, I am a habitual comparison shopper. And frankly, I don't measure up to my friends.

70% are happily married or in successful long term relationships
90% are debt free
95% own their own home, or rent a nice apartment

I can't help but thinking, for as far as I have come....I am so far behind the curve.

Sure, I like my job (more so lately), I have a college degree, I'm pretty well-respected in the industry...

But, I'm single. Single and still fat and living at home b/c of my mound of debt.

Now, that debt is smaller, and the fat is 62 pounds less....but that doesn't factor into my self-disappointment. I'm not where I want to be at this point in my life.

I often wonder if others set "goals" in regards to their age. By 22 I will do X....by 27 I will do Z. Am I the only one who puts so much emphasis on age?! Maybe...

---

I wrote this, then I reread it and I thought "I want to post it...but I want to force myself to focus on the positive too". So, in that spirit, here is 27 things I love about myself. While I like making lists, this one was painful to come up with!

1. My giggle. I have a seriously cute giggle, and I love to laugh.
2. My ability to remember random details about every customer I talk to.
3. My hips. They're perfect for bellydancing!
4. My relationship w/ my mom...she means the world to me, and I love that we're so close
5. My childlike excitement when I discover I can color code, sparkle or personalize something
6. My no-bullshit attitude. Don't sass me, I'll sass you back!
7. My eyes. They're hazel/green/brown and really pretty in the light.
8. My height. 5'4" is perfect. Pants are always long enough, and high shelves are almost always w/in reach
9. My constant focus on the positive (esp. at work)
10. My integrity - I have a set of beliefs I will not compromise. Ever.
11. My sense of humor - it's quirky, I'm sarcastic...but I like it.
12. My obnoxious, yet wholly *Samantha* way of using emoticons and exclamation points in emails/IM. I really do talk this way!
13. My inability to have successful IM conversations...I always ended up calling the person. I am an IN-person person
14. My inquisitive nature. I love polling people, hearing people lives stories etc.
15. My generosity. I always go out of my way for people I love.
16. The sparkles. I love that *'s and sparkles have become my "thing"
17. My blonde moments. For as smart as I am...I can say the DUMBEST things sometimes!
18. My multi-tasking. No one multi-tasks like I do!
19. The fact that I can tell you 5 things I love about each of my friends, on demand.
20. I am loyal almost to a fault sometimes. I never want to believe the people I love have flaws
21. Shiny hair. I've dyed my hair every color known to man, and it still somehow looks shiny and fabulous most days.
22. My memory for small details. I remember every part of a story I hear.
23. My girlyness!
24. My coffee addiction, and my unwillingness to give it up...haha!
25. My ability to bullshit when necessary. Resumes...cover letters...I can spice em up better than anyone I know!
26. My hands. They're smallish - but they look great w/ my long nails.
27. My melting pot heritage. I'm Italian...Irish...Scottish...whatever! :)

Love,
*S

Where Do We Go From Here?

Hi All!

Sorry for the recent absence of posts. I could give you a bunch of excuses...but I won't. I suck, I'll try sucking less. ;)

We're hitting that 3/4 month mark...also known as a "slump". We've been religious about gymming (yes, it is a verb. I decided so) and eating well .... but the pounds ain't falling off quite as quick as they used to. *sigh*

In D's case he's building muscle - lots of muscle. In my case? I think my fat is complacent. It

doesn't want to9 leave if it doesn't have to.

I've talked about my slump (3 weeks, same weight) w/ Brian (our trainer) - he's encouraged me to up my exercise - aim for twice a day. But really, who wants to go to the gym twice in one day?! All I want for my birthday is some new metabolism. Please?

I know what I need to do is step up my game and just go "balls to the wall" (for lack of a better word) for the next few months. However, SAYING that...and actually getting out of bed at 5am are 2 vastly different things.

D starts a new job next Monday - which he's excited for. It's more money, but lousy hours. He'll be working midnight-9am - and the place is about 45mins to an hour from the house. So, a lot of planning will be necessary to maintain his routine. On the positive, he's been doing a new workout WITH Brian. Yup, he does what Brian does. Now, let me put this in perspective for you.

Derek = 23, 6'3", 510 pounds, former couch potato/currently in tech support

Brian= 52, 5'10",193 pounds, former bodybuilder/boxer/current personal trainer extraordinaire.

So, imagine being D doing the "Brian workout" WITH Brian. Holy shit, it's intense.

This post seems a little shallow...I guess it's just an update on where we're at - and a note that it's not as shiny and new as it once was. It's winter...it's cold, no one wants to leave their house. :)
More soon - including a rant about my impending b-day.

XO
*Us

I Hate Sudden Changes...All Changes

*S solo post.


For those of you who know me well, you know I hate change. I don't deal well with it in any capacity. I don't like new ways of doing things, I don't like being taken from my comfort zone. Ever!



That being said....change is inevitable. I'm realizing that in order to truly embrace the life I want, a part of me is going to have to die and be reborn. Sounds morbid maybe, but it's true.



I am currently obsessed w/ Criminal Minds (an American TV show about FBI Behavioral Profilers. They catch criminals, they're super smart and sometimes sexy too*!) - and the opening quote in an episode I watched the other night was:



"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. We must die to one life before we can enter another." -- Anatole France


*The "sexy" part of Criminal Minds is Shemar Moore. Mmmm!



Anyways, that quote really struck a note deep inside me. I really have to let go of my old life, and my old habits in order to become a new person. This has proven to be easier said than done...



I have the eating portion of my new life pretty much down. I'm at 1700 calories a day - lots of protein - limited sugar and alcohol. Infact, I'm trying to go until Valentine's Day before I have another alcoholic beverage. We'll see if I can be martini-free that long!

I'm doing well with the gym. Making it there at least once a day, but planning to aim for twice a day (cardio in the AM and weights in the PM or vice versa). I'm also setting up gym dates w/ Rach so we can start preparing for our 5K.

I'm taking steps in the right direction... it just seems a little sad to know I will never be the person I was before. She wasn't bad, she just made poor choices. Lots of poor choices.

One thing that makes me really happy is that I don't have to severe any ties w/ friends. I worried that maybe people in my life wouldn't be willing to support me in the venture. I was wrong, I've gotten so much support it's just outstanding! Even the guys I work with have been really great about letting me vent/reveal in new discoveries. :-)

So, the new mantra is to embrace change...it might be scary, but the outcome will be beautiful!
Love,
*S