Saturday, November 1, 2008

Goals: Not That David Beckham Shit...Actual Aspirations.


I wanted to share some of the goals we've come up with for ourselves.

Derek is currently rocking a 6XL shirt, and a 56-inch pant. He hopes to be a 3XL shirt and 42-inch pant. Before we met Brian, Derek hoped to be 285 someday. His current goal weight is 350 (as 285 is the amount of lean mass he currently has) - but he is more concerned with not ending up 6 feet under. At the rate he was going, I would be buying him a tombstone for his 25th birthday. That scares the shit out of both of us.

I am currently a size 28 in Lane Bryant clothes, also known as "the largest size you can buy in a store before custom ordering". Before we saw Brian I hoped to weigh 143 pounds, but on our first meeting he tested for lean mass and told me I had 169 pounds of it. This dashed all hopes that I would ever weigh 143. Unless of course I got a femur, and a few organs removed. However, I would like to own ONE thing that is a size 8. Seeing a single digit on the tag of clothing will allow to me to die a happy woman.

One thing you will never hear in this blog is the following quote: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". I HATE that quote. I think it's bullshit. I hate Oprah, and I think she of people knows that cheesecake tastes better than new clothes - and her ass shows the evidence.

Once again, the SUhp motto: "Let's not bullshit each other".

So, down to the nitty gritty. What are we looking forward to???

Derek's top 7 goals are as follows:

* Fitting into seats at restaurants, movies, airplanes, concerts...just walking in, sitting down and enjoying life.

* To be "checked out" in public, by cute girls that are over 18, yet under 40. Cougars, need not apply.

* Buying clothes off the rack in a store (and no, we don't mean the fat store).

* Learning how to box. The only thing a fat person fights for is his place in line at the buffet.

* Going to the beach, sans shirt and not hearing a single laugh.

* Doing a pull-up. For a man, there is something gratifying about lifting your own weight.

* Getting a custom designed tattoo on his bicep. He's been talking about this tattoo for longer than I care to recall.

*Samantha*'s top 7 goals:

* Owning, and rocking a bikini. Not just one, preferably more than one. :)

* Wearing a dress, and knee high boots at the same time. The day I can do this, celebrating will ensue.

* Walking long, NYC blocks and keeping up with my BFF, Julie's strides. She is a quick walker - and a good influence on me

* Getting a tattoo, to show off my accomplishments. It will be on my hip bone (left hip) and it will have something to do with stars (my thang).

* Bellydancing in public, in gorgeous costumes. You might find this funny, but I already know HOW to bellydance. I've been taking lessons for nearly three years. I just can't bring myself to perform because of the weight. There are plenty of dancers who are not a size 2...and I respect them greatly. I just can't bring myself to join them. So, bellydancing is on hold until further notice. But, I'll be blogging about it for sure.

* Running a half marathon. I know so many people who have done this, and it seems insanely rewarding. Currently I can't run, nevermind run 13.1 miles. Infact, I was excited to be able to WALK a mile on the treadmill. It took me 20 mins.

* Sustaining a relationship that's not built on baggage, but on love. Every person I've dated has come with some huge flaw, something that levels the playing field. I'm fat, he can't get over his ex. I'm fat, he has mommy issues. I want so badly to meet someone and not have to make excuses for their bad behavior.

Let's hope we meet all these....and meet them soon! :-)

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