Lately I've been feeling like people don't quite understand the struggle we're both facing. Twice in the last week someone has said to me: "Oh it's just a matter of exercising and eating right - not brain surgery!" .... or "Just cut carbs and start running. Boom - you'll be skinny in no time".
Both tidbits are stupid. No, this isn't brain surgery....but it isn't easy either. We have 26/22 years of bad habits under our belt, respectively. Not to mention the fact that we didn't put the weight on overnight, therefore it's not going to come off overnight either. This is a lifestyle change.
We both have family stuff, personal stuff. job stuff, and now this. Diet and exercise are just one more straw on the camel's back.
I realize that no one is perfect, and I'm not saying our lives are abnormally challenging...it just seems overwhelming sometimes.
For D, food enters his thoughts last - and he's trying to be as conscious of it as possible. Being fat was easy. Not caring about we ate was even easier. Planning and prepping and constantly thinking about it is maddening.
For me, it's trying to be as normal as possible. I had brunch w. some work friends today - and while I seriously contemplated eating 3X what I had...I knew I would pay for it in the end. Last week, A was in town and when we went out to dinner I *almost* had a martini - AND creme brulee. After planning to allow myself to have the latter only. It's a struggle to not give it to your wants.
Personally, I have always had low willpower - I give in WAY too easy....especially where food is concerned. I think it's because it was always something I could control. I couldn't control how kids in school acted, I couldn't control not being the smartest or the prettiest....but dammit, I could control what I ate.
Sometimes, being on a diet and accounting for everything going into your mouth is exhausting. It should be so mindless to eat healthy...and want to exercise. But, for us it's completely foreign.
D says that we both need people around us to continue leading their normal lives - order things that are unhealthy and eat them in front of us. Sounds like D is a sadist eh? Yeah, that was initial reaction too. But, he made sense of it.
"Sam, people can't walk on egg shells around us because we're fat. They shouldn't have to order salad when they want chicken parm. We're the ones on a diet - they shouldn't be changing their lives. Every day someone around you could be eating something you want. Get over it."
PS - our readership has grown ten-fold since we started. I just want to thank everyone for all the notes, IM's etc. It means a lot to us. :-)
Love,
*US
(hot pocket!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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