Such a Pretty Face....

Solo entry tonight. D is sleeping, and I am compelled to post this.

All my life I've been told I have "such a pretty face"!.

Not only did I never believe it....but I always hated the expression.

Pretty face implies the rest of me is not pretty...it always seemed like something people just said to say.

People say babies are cute (even when they're not), people say they're thrilled to go to weddings (even when they're not). So, people tell fat girls they have pretty faces (even if they don't).

I wasn't planning on posting pix of myself until I can do my comparison shot - but I love this picture. It's the first picture of me in probably 5-6 years that I have loved. I have cheek bones! I have pretty eyes! Oh, and I have a HELLA fierce haircut. Combined, I am pretty. Shiza!

This might sound vain, but I looked at this picture for a while after I took it. I marveled at finding myself pretty. I always considered myself sparkly....sarcastic...bubbly. Not pretty. Cute maybe. Not pretty. Pretty is reserved for other girls. Not me.

I guess I gave up on myself somewhere along the way. I resigned myself to the fact that I could win someone over w/ my personality....but not my looks. Never my looks. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe I *am* a force to be reckoned with? What a concept....

I always fear that when I meet someone new I have to win them over in 5 seconds, or they end up focused on the fact that I'm fat....and I lose their interest completely. I theorize about how people would react if I was a size 8 and not a 28. Eventually, this will be a reality...if I keep working this hard. That both terrifies and excites me.

For today however, I will focus on my victories in the form of overall wellness, pounds lost and new feelings. Like pretty.

It's a strange place to be...but I'm glad to be here.

*S