Gym Rantings....

First, a little hello to all our new readers. Most of you are people I hold near and dear...and I'm happy to be sharing our experience with you. ;-)

Let's start off w/ a progress update!

*S is down 33 pounds....has gained 5 pounds of muscle and wore a sweater that has NEVER fit her. Legit!

D is down 30 pounds...has gained approximately 10 pounds of muscle (maybe more!) and fit into a cramped restaurant booth at 99. Wooo!

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Now, the gym rant.....

D seriously hates the attitude people give him when he mentions going to the gym. He's unsure whether people are more amazed he knows where the gym is...or actually goes. Now while at the gym, people LOVE to stare at him. I've noticed it too. It's like kids outside a Toys R Us at Christmas. "Holy shit! Is that a FAT KID at the gym?! QUICK! Call CNN." We even suspect one person snapped a picture of him with their camera phone to share w. his friends. I can picture said loser drinking beers w. his friends that night and saying: "Dude! Bro! Look! A FAT KID at the GYM! This is more rare than a penguin in Las Vegas!".

While we're talking about the gym....here's a list of things that piss us both off:

1. Walking by the showers just to pee and seeing "naked man ass". (That's Derek's...I don't think I would necessarily mind naked men...unless they're over the age of 35, then I might).

2. The fact that we go UPSTAIRS to the "beginner's area". I feel like anyone looking at me is immediately discounting me based on where I exercise. Downstairs? That's for the big kids. No pun intended.

3. Meatheads. I know every gym has them...but seeing someone who looks like they could bench press a house that screams and grunts constantly makes me want to bitch slap someone.

4. Ridiculous "Motivational" Cougars. These women are 40+ and travel in packs. They yell constant encouragement to each other....even if their fellow cougar is 40 feet away. They also wear spandex pants from 1982 and should not be looked at directly....or they will pounce.

5. People who count aloud. Do you read aloud at a bookstore? NO! Therefore, don't count your goddamn reps at the gym.
PS- We know when you're full of shit and did not do 300 crunches.

6. People who start talking randomly, and don't STFU. I have headphones on. I'm not here to meet friends, I'm here to workout. Every time you open your mouth to yap, I visualize lighting you on fire. However, we all know fire spreads...and I'd be fucked.
For more information on fire safety please consult Smokey the Bear.

7. People who sweat all over the machines, and walk away like the puddle they've left behind isn't theirs. D says: "Great! The machine is covered in sweat and smells like you...why don't I shit in a burlap sack and leave it in your car. My gift to you, buddy!".

8. People who watch me like a hawk on a machine, then run over to see how much weight I can leg press/hip press/tricep press whatever. Worry about you, not me.

9. Women who wear SKANKY little outfits to the gym (like lingerie tops) and then spend their whole time texting. This is not a social hour. Get your powder puff ass off my treadmill.

10. Old people. Today I waited TWENTY MINUTES while an old man sat at the bicep machine contemplating life. I tried to be polite, I tried giving him they "hey, almost done?" smile...he did not budge. Oh and to boot, he did FIVE curls. *sigh*